Time and time again we are made to feel that jealousy is a bad thing. From the time we are little we are chastised for seeing someone and desiring what they have.
We learn this is bad and we should not feel jealous, therefore we must be a bad person.
Last night I was flipping through my twitter list of awesome women and saw that someone had done The Bloggess at a Con for cosplay. It was really rather epic!
But, suddenly I felt really crappy about myself and I started to look at how I arrived there.
Here was my thought process when this happened...
"Holy crap! That is awesome! Great cosplay too! You know you are "somebody"when people dress up as you at a Con! Wow...I bet no one will ever dress up as SuperADDmom.If they did that is when I'd know I "made it".Well, first I'd have to actually do something worthy of being admired as much as she does! I suck! Look at me sitting here being jealous of someone because someone else cosplayed as them! I can't even concentrate long enough to finish writing my book ffs! And what kind of jerk an I being jealous!"
In less than 2 minutes I went from feeling ok to feeling like a complete bitch for being jealous and beating myself up for being envious of someone I actually admire.
I put it aside and went to bed feeling bad about myself thinking I still had a lot of work to do at being mindful if I can so easily become jealous!
But...then today I read something that really put it in the right place for me.
I'll paraphrase it and save you the click thru to an article half of y'all wouldn't click anyway. (From a fb page link about positive self image selfhelp stuff)
"I don't think that your jealousy is mean-spirited or rooted in wishing your friend ill. It's highlighting something you want to move towards/experience in your own life.possibly something you've not even recognized until now.
I wonder if it's possible to see your friend's situation as inspiration and motivation, a reminder that you have goals you want to achieve and feel are possible for you too?"
So yeah..that hit me like brick in the head and woke me up! Not to mention the timing!!!
Suddenly today...I see everything different! This negative programming immediately stopped altering how I take things in and it is....AMAZING!
I was lied to!!!! You were lied to!
I'm not a mean spirited person & I never have been. This feeling I've been feeling bad about for 39 years because someone else told me to feel bad about them is actually desire to have the same type of things!not envy or jealousy at all. Jealousy is where you act negatively towards the person you feel it for. Ty to damage their successes you are jealous of.Jealousy is abusive and mean spirited and not something I've ever really experienced!
The things I envy/desire are natural normal non negative things that every person needs in life. Acceptance, Signifigance, connection/love, contribution to the world....
Being told all my life that my desires were bad is really kind of....totally fucked up!
So, I've started shifting envy to desire.
From now on, if I feel what I've been told is envy or jealousy all my life. I will stop and look at what I'm envious of and remind myself it is a desire I have.
Change your mindset and everything looks completley different and in this new light, isn't even a problem anymore!
So...who do you
envy admire? What is it they have that you desire?!
Figure that out and detach the negative from it and start seeking to find ways you can also achieve those desires in a way that suits you and who you are!
It really IS that simple!